99 Days

Lord,
I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me these past couple of days, and what you have done for nicholas. Lord i love him so much, But i dont want to love him more then I love you! Thank you for giving me my friends that I Still talk to. I am missing them so much but I know you have me here for a reason! Help me be an encouragment to Nicholas, and not hinder him from what you have him to do because Lord that is something that scares me. I do not ever want to hinder him from doing ministry.  This is one of my biggest burdens right now Lord. HELP ME encourage this man to do everything he can do for you, and not worry about my emotions or feelings in it at the time..because emotions are so fleeting....
     Lord in 99 days I will be marrying my best friend! I will be able to kiss him, to love him as my husband, and not just my best friend. I cannot wait until that day Lord. Please help us get all of the information that we need to get together for this. Help us be as put together as possible.
Sometimes I feel so far from you Lord, and I know that's my fault...I know that I am not digging as much as possible, that I am not trying like I should be and I apologize...so Lord please Help me. Help me be the person you want me to be..and dig into your word like my life depends on it.
              I lift up my friends Lord. I get so frustrated with the stupid decisions...but I dont know how to say that without hurting people and Lord that is the last thing i want to do. Help me with decisions I need to make but am afraid to... i love you Lord

Fail

Lord,
I am so sorry for being such a failure. I know it is expected of us to fail, it's who we are..it's why we need you. Lord I come to you confessing my foolish heart to you. Please forgive me of the stupidity that has happened today, and every moment I take my eyes off of you Lord.
God right now I just want to lift up my friends groomsman Collin. Not sure of all the details but Lord he needs you! John has been a faithful witness, and he will continue to be.. I pray that you will set up other people around Collin who love the Lord like John does. That He would come to see how a relationship with you is the best wedding present he could give.
Lord, I would appreciate if you could help me find a job..I have been asking other people to pray but it occurs to me that I have yet to really ask you about it. come to you and want your wisdom. God i need to get out, I need to do things...I am lost here, I love it but its so had and i need friends, people to talk to..things to do.. I need to make money
I know you have everything in control Lord...I just need to believe that.and it's so hard for me sometimes.. please help my unbelief.
I need a friend. or maybe you are teaching me just to rely on you..that I need to run to you first before i go to anyone else...
 *Sigh* I learn the hard way Lord, and you know that about me....
 Thank you for everything you are doing in our lives Lord. I ask you would continue to give us ideas about the wedding, that you would help us be wise with the money we do have God, that you would help me be faithful in everything we have to do. That I wouldn't let myself get to frustrated when all I want to do is complain.
I need you Lord. Thank you for helping us stay pure. I am so thankful for this.
 I want to lift up my friends as they continue to help get ready for the wedding, as they go about their lives. Lord i just....I want to lift up our future ministry. everything seems so scary, so uncertain but again I know who is in control....Thank you for being willing to allow us to learn through these things. Help Nicholas stay strong, and continue to believe you have the best. Lord i know He is scared but he is doing so well trusting you..much better then me. continually reminding me how good you are and his love for you word. Lord I desire to be like that again. I don't know why i have lost it but i need it back..help me want your word more then ever..before I feed myself, before i take a drink in the morning....I want to drink from your word, be fed from your word...
 I lift up the teens....God i love them so much, I want them to grow to be closer to you..and it's so frustrating when it seems like they aren't listening. Lord i just ask that you would give them conviction in their hearts..that they would want to truly grow closer to you and that they would act on that yearning.
 .....Lord help me be more like you!
I love you

Growing pains

Lord,
Thank you so much for my fiance, and just the wisdom He has in what you have for us. thank you for reminding us that you are growing us, making us trust you...because the future we have is going to be one in where we need you every second of everyday we need to be trusting you...
  God I am scared about our wedding how it's going to turn out...I am afraid for our future with money...Lord I am trying so hard to find a job.and nothing seems to be coming together for me here. What are you trying to tell me? I am earnestly asking...and begging for an answer.because Lord I want to know what you have for our future. Is it just to trust with what we have right now? and to know that you are in control? God I am going to trust you because I know how good you are and how you do what is best for us.

 Lord in other ways I am so excited for our future because regardless of what happens we are going to be together and that is the most important of all things... Help me grow  closer to you....I know that I have such little faith..especially with everything going on.Help me with that. 

Nicholas is the most caring most wonderful patient man, and I am such a hard thing for him sometimes. I deff challange him and Lord..Help him grow lord and help me grow so that I can allow him to grow. I do not want to hinder him and our ministry...Lord that terrifies me. 

 I want to lift up everyone involved in the wedding....Lord help them from this moment forward even just having their hearts prepared for what you are going to do that day. I pray that the people who aren't saved that are going Lord would just understand exactly what you have for them...and that you would allow them to see your love for what it is...and allow our love to be a picture of that Love....

 ooh Lord....give me wisdom in the ways that i talk to people...people want my opinions, and they want my thoughts but i want to give yours oh God...

 I want to give yours

 <3 

The beginning

Lord,
It's funny...sometimes how easy it is not to pray..and I am so sorry for that. It is hard for me to imagine how easy it is..and then i go days without talking to you..more then a couple minutes anyway...and I am so sorry for that. forgive me for being so foolish, and thinking that I can live my life fine...and not be in your word, and not be in fellowship with you. 

 I am so thankful Lord that you have given me Nicholas so that he can call me out when my prayer life is crap...because, if my prayer life is crap then it shows through in everything else.....I usually write in a prayer journal...I don't have one so this will certainly do :)

   Thank you Lord for marriage counseling today! I am so thankful for all that I am learning. I am scared about marriage..I don't know what we are getting ourselves into..and sometimes I Want to run..but I know that this is what you have for us God..and that excites me...still  scares me a little bit i am not going to lie.

 Help me be the fiance, and more importantly the wife that He needs to make him a good pastor and a better man of God.

 Help me understand what it's like to be a pastor, and better understand what it will be like to be a pastors wife. I feel so overwhelmed with all the things going on... planning for the wedding, not having friends here, not having a job...Lord I don't understand but I know that you know everything that's going on and why it is going on.... I am going to trust you...

 Help my friends makes wise decisions..I don't know how to stand up and say that this is right and this is wrong...and that most likely makes me a fool and i am just afraid to tell the the truth...Help me stop living in fear....I want to do whats best for you lord, and whats best for them...*sigh* 

I love you Lord...Thank you for everything.