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Lord,
I am frustrated.....
I don't know if it's the right way to be feeling, but I am...I just want my wedding to work out.. I want people to try for me but even on my biggest day some would say...people are still just thinking about them......How do i react when all i want to do is scream. because I Will never be able to make everyone happy.The wedding isn't where they want, it's not when they want or how they want....they aren't wearing what they want people to wear and...it isn't exactly how it should be in their eyes....uggh Lord i just want to know what to do in this circumstance. I don't know what to do and i dont know howto go bout doing it...but LOrd I am going to trust that you have all  the wisdom in this and are going to help me. 
Help me Lord with all of the planning that needs to happen,and help me to have knowledge in what is wise to do, and what is not wise to do. Help me encourage people when I can, and decide how to do the things that need to be done. Mostly remind me that regardless of what happens in the end if you are glorified and we are married nothing else needs to happen!
 It's so easy to forget that when you are in the midst of frustration. Lord help me realize that I need to trust you when i feel like no one cares, that my mom doesn't give a crap and everyone is just going out of obligation. I hate feeling like this and the self pity just may kill me.... 
 Help me trust you...help me know that you are the one who satisfies...
           Lord help Nicholas, he is so discouraged right now about our future. We don't know where we are going to live, and we don't know what is going to happen and that is so hard for him. Lord help us figure out what we can do to make the process faster, and make the process what you would like it to be. I am having a weird peace about it..but maybe that is ignorance. I just ask Lord that you would show nicholas you have everything in time and that You are WORTH trusting
 i love you Lord 

99 Days

Lord,
I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me these past couple of days, and what you have done for nicholas. Lord i love him so much, But i dont want to love him more then I love you! Thank you for giving me my friends that I Still talk to. I am missing them so much but I know you have me here for a reason! Help me be an encouragment to Nicholas, and not hinder him from what you have him to do because Lord that is something that scares me. I do not ever want to hinder him from doing ministry.  This is one of my biggest burdens right now Lord. HELP ME encourage this man to do everything he can do for you, and not worry about my emotions or feelings in it at the time..because emotions are so fleeting....
     Lord in 99 days I will be marrying my best friend! I will be able to kiss him, to love him as my husband, and not just my best friend. I cannot wait until that day Lord. Please help us get all of the information that we need to get together for this. Help us be as put together as possible.
Sometimes I feel so far from you Lord, and I know that's my fault...I know that I am not digging as much as possible, that I am not trying like I should be and I apologize...so Lord please Help me. Help me be the person you want me to be..and dig into your word like my life depends on it.
              I lift up my friends Lord. I get so frustrated with the stupid decisions...but I dont know how to say that without hurting people and Lord that is the last thing i want to do. Help me with decisions I need to make but am afraid to... i love you Lord

Growing pains

Lord,
Thank you so much for my fiance, and just the wisdom He has in what you have for us. thank you for reminding us that you are growing us, making us trust you...because the future we have is going to be one in where we need you every second of everyday we need to be trusting you...
  God I am scared about our wedding how it's going to turn out...I am afraid for our future with money...Lord I am trying so hard to find a job.and nothing seems to be coming together for me here. What are you trying to tell me? I am earnestly asking...and begging for an answer.because Lord I want to know what you have for our future. Is it just to trust with what we have right now? and to know that you are in control? God I am going to trust you because I know how good you are and how you do what is best for us.

 Lord in other ways I am so excited for our future because regardless of what happens we are going to be together and that is the most important of all things... Help me grow  closer to you....I know that I have such little faith..especially with everything going on.Help me with that. 

Nicholas is the most caring most wonderful patient man, and I am such a hard thing for him sometimes. I deff challange him and Lord..Help him grow lord and help me grow so that I can allow him to grow. I do not want to hinder him and our ministry...Lord that terrifies me. 

 I want to lift up everyone involved in the wedding....Lord help them from this moment forward even just having their hearts prepared for what you are going to do that day. I pray that the people who aren't saved that are going Lord would just understand exactly what you have for them...and that you would allow them to see your love for what it is...and allow our love to be a picture of that Love....

 ooh Lord....give me wisdom in the ways that i talk to people...people want my opinions, and they want my thoughts but i want to give yours oh God...

 I want to give yours

 <3