49

First of all Lord, I just want to say thank you so much for answering our prayers. Thank you so much for giving us this house when we thought there was no way this was going to work out for us. You have blown my mind and I am just so thankful that we can trust you with our future, with our lives.
Lord i just want to lift up the teen group. It's such an amazing opportunity to work with both of them, and I am amazed at what you are doing in it. Lord I ask that you would just prick the teens hearts. That they would be serious about what they are learning. That they wouldnt come just for the friends, or just to hang out..but they would go because they want to grow closer to you. 
 I lift up tomorrow to you Lord. There are a lot of people without moms who are really struggling...I pray that you would give them peace, I also pray for the people who are supposed to be mothers but they are not. that you would give them a special hug.
 Lord I just pray for the church. that you would convict the pastors of this nation to preach the truth of the gospel. not that baptism is the same as salvation, not that you have to do anything else...but Lord that Trusting you alone is what gets you to heaven...
         My heart is so heavy with so many things, and I am so thankful that you have the answers to what I am looking for. Bless Nicholas and I as we continue planning the wedding that we would see eachother in it the whole time. 
 Thank you for this day Lord

blow me away

Lord,
I cannot even begin to describe how you have blown me away...You took a day I was sure everything in my life was going to crumble, and you made it a day to worship you. I cannot begin to thank you enough for that. I am so lost in the fact that you could love someone like me, and allow me to find love in this life. I am such a fool, and wanted to live my own life and you gave up your life for me...thank you so much. 
 God so much is going on but i just have so much thanks today..it could have gone so many other ways and you protected me, and allowed my love to show his grace, and forgiveness through you..instead of anger, which i am sure would have been 100 times easier.
 Lord we don't know whats going to happen, and it can get so frustrating but i thank you for what we do know. we know we have a God who loves us, and someone who is there for us at all times. Lord i just lift up Nicholas to you. that you would continue to encourage him. He needs all of the encouragement he can get. especially being engaged to me, Lord I just ask that you would give us wisdom, and give us peace about whats going on..that we would continue to live for you even when we dont know what the heck is going on...I feel like ive been praying this over and over but its so true, and so important. I also ask Lord you would just continue to give me the desire to get into your word. to be able to be a light where there is darkness. sometimes that desire seems so small and i need to fight through that to be what Nicholas needs me to be and most importantly what you have me to be. 
          Thank you Lord for the cross...and thank you for providing what we need every moment of every day. 

56 days

Lord,
thank you so much for this day that has gone by...thank you for giving me challenges and reminding me what you have for me in this life. So many things have been going on, and changing, and lord i dont know whats going on but i am so thankful that you do.
Forgive me Lord for not being jealous about being in your word. I am letting other things fall in the way and that is going to stop. thank you so much for convicting me of that because i know it wasn't me...help my attitude with everything Lord...i feel so frustrated, and depressed lately but i know there is no reason for it! You take such good care of us that I KNOW you have it all under control. I ask that you would just give Nicholas and I wisdom as we decide on the next steps you have given us, that you show us perfectly where we fit, and that it would be a smooth transition. 
Help us not worry about everything , especially when it seems so easy to do so. Lord I lift up Nicholas. I know that he is even more burdened then I about this. I ask that you would give him peace, and strength to know that you are there for him! That you have him under your wing and that you are growing him through this time of questioning, and seemingly quietness from heaven. Lord help us be right in living for you. to stay pure and to be an example to the teens and the others we have in our lives who are searching for you. I want so badly to get out of this lull and to go back to what I know you have. Lord I want to be a good pastors wife, and i want to be an encouragement to my fiance. I feel like i am such a failure at that... How can i be good at it if i am not getting any encouragement from your word? Lord help me to stand on your feet when it comes to this, and not try to think that my relationship with you is good just because Nicholas prays for us...I need to be lifting us up, i need to be lifting our future up...
It's been a long time coming lord this conviction has been hiting me and i pray it would hit me everyday that I would be in your word wanting it more and more as i become a wife soon, and then lord prayerfully a mother shortly after that...You have all of this in your will and I am excited to see what you have for us. Lord i am truthfully wondering what is going to happen, but i just keep going back to the fact you have never let us down before and i trust you wont let us down now.
Lord i just want to lift up my sister as she just found out she is expecting. Lord how exciting it is that i will have another neice or nephew. i cannot WAIT to see what she is going to have. Lord i pray that you would keep mommy and baby safe, that you would allow rachel to love her body and see that this is a gift from you Lord.
I also pray for the rest of the family. Elijah, cat, and elias Lord that they would have someone in their life that would show them you. It is so important and i wish i was there more often. Lord give me opportunity to share my testimony. to be truthful about what you have done in my life. 
God i am so sick of being a fake person, of pretending our relationship is fine, when i feel so far from you. lies dont help if they grow people because its still a lie... help me figure out where I am and how i need to change..
Thank you Lord for always being there ..regardless of how alone i feel I know i am not because you are near. (Even when thats hard because i know im an idiot) ...
I love you Lord. Thank you so much for all the blessings you have put in my life. I cannot thank you enough for Nicholas, and this new family i will be going into....I am amazed at the life you have planned for me...
Thank you again!