56 days

Lord,
thank you so much for this day that has gone by...thank you for giving me challenges and reminding me what you have for me in this life. So many things have been going on, and changing, and lord i dont know whats going on but i am so thankful that you do.
Forgive me Lord for not being jealous about being in your word. I am letting other things fall in the way and that is going to stop. thank you so much for convicting me of that because i know it wasn't me...help my attitude with everything Lord...i feel so frustrated, and depressed lately but i know there is no reason for it! You take such good care of us that I KNOW you have it all under control. I ask that you would just give Nicholas and I wisdom as we decide on the next steps you have given us, that you show us perfectly where we fit, and that it would be a smooth transition. 
Help us not worry about everything , especially when it seems so easy to do so. Lord I lift up Nicholas. I know that he is even more burdened then I about this. I ask that you would give him peace, and strength to know that you are there for him! That you have him under your wing and that you are growing him through this time of questioning, and seemingly quietness from heaven. Lord help us be right in living for you. to stay pure and to be an example to the teens and the others we have in our lives who are searching for you. I want so badly to get out of this lull and to go back to what I know you have. Lord I want to be a good pastors wife, and i want to be an encouragement to my fiance. I feel like i am such a failure at that... How can i be good at it if i am not getting any encouragement from your word? Lord help me to stand on your feet when it comes to this, and not try to think that my relationship with you is good just because Nicholas prays for us...I need to be lifting us up, i need to be lifting our future up...
It's been a long time coming lord this conviction has been hiting me and i pray it would hit me everyday that I would be in your word wanting it more and more as i become a wife soon, and then lord prayerfully a mother shortly after that...You have all of this in your will and I am excited to see what you have for us. Lord i am truthfully wondering what is going to happen, but i just keep going back to the fact you have never let us down before and i trust you wont let us down now.
Lord i just want to lift up my sister as she just found out she is expecting. Lord how exciting it is that i will have another neice or nephew. i cannot WAIT to see what she is going to have. Lord i pray that you would keep mommy and baby safe, that you would allow rachel to love her body and see that this is a gift from you Lord.
I also pray for the rest of the family. Elijah, cat, and elias Lord that they would have someone in their life that would show them you. It is so important and i wish i was there more often. Lord give me opportunity to share my testimony. to be truthful about what you have done in my life. 
God i am so sick of being a fake person, of pretending our relationship is fine, when i feel so far from you. lies dont help if they grow people because its still a lie... help me figure out where I am and how i need to change..
Thank you Lord for always being there ..regardless of how alone i feel I know i am not because you are near. (Even when thats hard because i know im an idiot) ...
I love you Lord. Thank you so much for all the blessings you have put in my life. I cannot thank you enough for Nicholas, and this new family i will be going into....I am amazed at the life you have planned for me...
Thank you again!